Mamoru's Drabbles
by Caytlyn Rose
Summary: Themes from Mamoru's point of view.
1. 1 Chocolate

**1. Chocolate (100)**

I watch her. She doesn't seem to know, but I do. And today was a real treat.

Her eyes drifted closed as she lifted the chocolate to her mouth. Her pink tongue darted out to slowly lick the chocolate; she savoured it and sighed with joy.

She placed the chocolate on her tongue and held perfectly still as it melted.

The expression on her face was one of absolute bliss – I just wish I was the one to put it there.

In a way, I did. I gave the chocolate to Motoki to give to her. So I could watch.


	2. 2 Masks

**2. Masks (100)**

I wonder, does she ever really see me? Motoki does, but that's only because he's known me a long time.

Most of the time she looks through me as if I don't exist. Sometimes she'll look at me with those big blue eyes and her expression will become softer, more compassionate. I feel like she is looking deeper into my soul than anyone else ever has.

It never lasts for long though, because I will invariably say something to deflect her attention. It's a survival instinct, I can't help it.

I wish I could.

I want her to see me.


	3. 3 Hair

**3. Hair (100)**

It shines with a light all of its own. It really does. And it has a life of its own as well. It gets into everything, long, golden – there's really no other word for that colour – strands, twining through everything. It's almost impossible to remove and immediately springs back onto clothing as if it can't bear to be torn away. It doesn't matter where it is, it brightens someone's day.

I pull a strand off the sleeve of my jacket, to find that it has woven itself into the fabric.

Just like its owner has woven herself into my life.


	4. 4 Karma

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4. Karma (100)

I'm standing here, dripping. I suppose it's my own fault. If I hadn't been so mean to her – even if it was true – then she wouldn't have yelled at me and I wouldn't currently be trying to get a triple chocolate milkshake out of my hair…..but it's worth it to see the glee in her eyes when she does it.

Which is one of the reasons I do my best to annoy her. It's not the way I want to be when I'm with her, but if I can bring her joy in the smallest of ways, it's worth it.


	5. 5 Short Skirt

**5. Short Skirt (100)**

I wish she wouldn't show her legs off like that. If I didn't know better I'd say she wears those skirts to attract men – but my Usako is way too innocent for that. Well, she'd better be.

I wish those skirts weren't quite so short. Everyone looks at her, until I want to jump up and shield her from their eyes.

Oh, here she comes again. It must be colder, she's wearing a pair of trousers. Actually, they're leggings that hug her legs all the way up to her hips – hey!

I wish she was wearing one of those skirts…..


	6. 6 Blue Eyes

**6. Blue Eyes (100)**

It's that look again – the one that makes my insides turn to mush and my brain to stop working. . The look that I identify with. It only happens occasionally when she thinks no-one is looking.

Her glorious eyes dim and her face takes on a sorrowful cast at times when she seems to be completely alone, even with her friends. It's the look of someone slipping out from behind the mask they show the world.

It's the look that makes me want to hold her until the look disappears. The look that makes me want to hold her forever.


	7. 7 Things Left Unsaid

**7. Things left unsaid (100)**

Night after night I save her from certain death, to be rewarded with a bright smile, so like another that I know. Night after night I have the chance to ask the burning question and night after night something happens that makes me forget or put the question off for another time.

And then, during the day, all I can think about is her and the question completely slips my mind until she does something unconsciously graceful that brings the other to mind – and I remember but can't think of a way to approach her.

_Usagi – are you Sailor Moon?_


	8. 8 Kiss

**8. Kiss (100)**

It's kind of funny when you think about it. Me, the adult, the collected, the charming, wishing for only one thing. And from a mere child, even though she does sometimes show astounding maturity, and complete loyalty to her friends. Even to me once, and I wasn't her friend then.

It's not that other girls aren't in my life. The only problem is that they are not her.

But I burn to just once to lean over her, to press my lips to hers. Just once. Then I will be content to leave her alone to find her true path.


	9. 9 Button

**9. Button (100)**

Hmmm…..it's another perfect day for Usagi watching. The sun is shining, the birds are singing and I'm in the park on a hidden bench, waiting impatiently.

Here she comes, singing and dancing (very gracefully, may I add, I wonder if she only does that when she know nobody's looking?)

She's wearing a rather fetching blue skirt and a shirt with sleeves that go most of the way down her arms and that reveals a rather nice cleav – hey! That shirt needs another button!

Not that I'm really complaining, but what if someone else saw her like that?

"Hey, Meatball Head!"


	10. 10 Sweet 16

**10. Sweet 16 (100)**

It's her big day – the day she turns sixteen. The day she comes into her birthright. And I'm here, beside her, where I always have been and where I always will be, even when she doesn't know it.

She is so radiant today, words can not hope to show her beauty, her grace. She is becoming every inch a princess, regal, responsible and most of all, kind.

That is, until the cake comes out. Never, ever get between my beloved and cake. Especially chocolate cake. Actually, anything chocolate – even Raye knows that.

Some things never change. Some things never should.


	11. 11 Past

**11. Past (100)**

Was there any light in my life before the day she hit me with a failed test? Did I ever find as much joy in anything as I do in teasing her?

I don't remember. It is all in the past and the past is done, gone, forgotten. The days of loneliness, drifting from one class to the next, from one task to the next are over.

I don't remember life before I was six and I don't care to remember life since then – long, grey, dreary, boring.

Until I got hit in the head with a piece of paper.


	12. 12 Present

**12. Present (100)**

The past is done, gone, forgotten. It will never occur again, nor will I ever let it.

It is the present that is important to me now. The present that I receive each day in the form of her smile, her laugh, the way she dances through my life, bursting with colour, vibrant with light. The present where I live in the now and not in the past.

I hope this present never ends, even though one day it will. But it will always linger in my memory as one of the best times of my life, whatever else happens.


	13. 13 Future

**13. Future (100)**

Every day the future comes a little closer. The time when my love and I can finally be one and fulfil our destiny – even if what we truly want is something completely different. Hey, maybe I can be King and a doctor. Maybe Usako can be both Queen and whatever she wants to be.

We can be husband and wife, king and queen, bearers of destiny and ourselves, all at the same time.

Well, I hope so, anyway.

I'm a bit apprehensive about what the future will bring, but whatever happens, I'll be with her – which makes it so right.


	14. 14 Closet

**14. Closet (100)**

How on earth do I get myself into these things? Am I really completely unable to say "no" to her?

I mean, here I am, hidden in a closet, waiting for her to say my name so I can come out. The things I do for her. It's dark in here. And dusty and I bet there are huge spiders lurking in wait for unwary idiots like me. And it's all silent outside.

Is she even there?

Maybe she's not coming back. That's it; I'm getting out of here.

"Surprise!" "Happy Birthday!"

What? How did she know it's my birthday!


	15. 15 Mistake

**15. Mistake (100)**

I've made mistakes in my time. Everyone has. I have to admit, some of mine have been fairly large and important.

Like what, you ask?

The whole meeting with Usako the first time – that was a mistake if ever I made one. If I'd said something different, done something, we wouldn't have wasted so much time and things may have turned out better.

The whole breaking up because of a dream thing. That should never have happened.

This one, however, she will never forgive me for. How was I to know that there was no more chocolate in the house?


	16. 16 Behind the Blue Curtain

**16. Behind the blue curtain (100)**

I'm hiding again. Not physically, mentally. After the whole "coming out of the closet" thing – which I am never going to hear the end of from Andrew, the girls decided that I needed to go out.

So here I am, in a bar – a very small bar – looking at a stage with a blue curtain, trying to hide how uncomfortable I am. The girls won't tell me what's going on or where Usagi is.

The curtain twitched, looks like whatever is going to happen up there will happen soon. Good. I want to get this over with and go home.


	17. 17 Ice Cream

**17. Ice Cream (100)**

I don't know how she does it. I mean, doesn't eating ice cream that fast give you brain freeze? She practically inhaled the first scoop and she's working on the second. Though, she does look cute with ice cream smeared around her mouth. Makes me want to go over there and kiss it off – hey, what am I doing?

"What do you want, Baka?"

"You've got ice cream on your nose, Meatball head, I'm wiping it off."

"What? Get away from me!"

"As you wish – you're all clean now anyway."

Walking away, I smirk. Wonder when she'll notice the ink?


	18. 18 Death

**18. Death (100)**

She gave me such a fright. I was almost too late to save her this time. The feel of her limply hanging in my arms is one I never ever want to repeat.

I seriously thought she was – gone. And my heart stopped and a pain I hadn't felt in years started.

I've lost so much in my life. I don't think I could survive losing her as well. But one day I really should face the truth – we're only mortal. One day she won't be there, infuriating, irritating, lovable. One day I'll lose her.

One day she'll leave me.


	19. 19 Liar

**19. Liar (100)**

I am such a liar. Not in word, but in deed.

I wish I could be more like her. She doesn't hide anything – even though she tries sometimes. She is truth, more truth than any person could bear. And she doesn't know it at all. She is open, expressive, half the time her thoughts appear on her face and in her body language before she ever says them.

I should be like that, especially with her. I should let my body and actions say all the things I want her to know. Instead I lie by omission and it hurts.


	20. 20 Scars

**20. Scars (100)**

They are not visible, but they show. They show in her voice, in her eyes, in her being. And there is nothing I, or even anyone, can do to help. The girls have tried, in whatever form they are in. They have taken her out shopping, they have fed her chocolate until everybody thought she would explode. Nothing helped.

The knowledge of her daughter seemed to alleviate things for a while. That little pink-haired minx kept my Usagi so busy she didn't have time to think, let alone feel.

But they are still there.

And it is all my fault.


	21. 21 Mischief

**21. Mischief (100)**

Alright, so I can't help it. I deliberately attempt to annoy Usagi whenever and wherever possible because then she looks at me, she notices that I exist.

Andrew knows. He's my oldest, dearest friend and he knows me better than I know myself sometimes. He knows that when I tease her about her grades that I'm really trying to tell her I love her and I want to help.

He knows how desperately I want her to notice me. Unfortunately, he can't stop me when that little imp of mischief takes over and I do or say something particularly stupid.


	22. 22 Christmas

**22. Christmas (100)**

I hate Christmas. Not because of the sheer commerciality of it, although that's enough reason by itself. Not even because of the groups of brightly dressed people standing on street corners singing very old Christmas carols very badly.

No, it's because if there is a God, where was He when my parents died? Where was He through all those lonely years at the orphanage? He didn't comfort me – but then I suppose I never asked for comfort either.

I don't want to celebrate the birth of the Son of Someone who was never there for me when I needed Him.


	23. 23 Valentines

**23. Valentines (100)**

I don't know what to do. I have no idea and it's panicking me a little. Alright then, a lot.

Valentines Day is torture for me. All those girls, giving me all that stuff.

Flowers are very nice, but I prefer them still growing – why do they have to murder them just to give them away?

Chocolate is ok – in reasonable doses. If I ate everything that was given to me on Valentines Day I would be sicker than anyone would think possible.

Thing is – if the one person I wanted to give me gifts actually did, I wouldn't complain.


	24. 24 Dragonfly

**  
**

**24. Dragonfly (100)**

"Mamoru?"

I look up at the sound of the voice I love the most. She is standing in front of me with the light behind her. Her features are obscured, but her hair creates a golden halo.

"Yes, my love"

"I learned something neat today, can I tell you?"

"Sure"

"Akitsushmi, which means Dragonfly Island, is another name for Japan."

"Really? Why?"

"'Cause they are a symbol of happiness, strength, courage and success. And the dragonfly is the spirit of the rice plant and and brings rich harvests."

"Really?"

"Yeah!"

I love it when she gets excited about learning something.


	25. 25 Caramel Apple

**25. Caramel apple (100)**

Girls talk about the weirdest things sometimes. Take today for instance. It's October 31st and they were discussing Halloween. Among the usual discussions of how many caramel apples Usako was going to get through before her jaws got glued shut, was a most unusual word.

"I heard a new word today."

"What was it Minako?"

"Selenephobia"

"What's that?"

"Fear of the moon."

"You have GOT to be kidding me! How can anybody be afraid of the moon?"

"Apparently there are some."

"It's just not possible!"

"Calm down, Usagi!"

Now wasn't that just the strangest reaction to have to a word?


	26. 26 Telephone

**26. Telephone (100)**

Come on, pick it up. That's all I have to do. One call will solve all the problems and wipe the sadness from her eyes. One call will make this madness stop.

But I can't.

The dream recurs every time I even think of calling her, of telling her that it was all a mistake, that I really do love her.

So I sit and stare at the telephone, willing myself to end this.

And I can't do it. If there is the smallest chance that this could save my Usako…I will not call her.

And it is killing me.


	27. 27 Stained Glass

**27. Stained glass (100)**

Even though the light shining through reflects the brilliant colours, splashes everyone around with joy and peace and serenity, even though the light shining within intensifies the beauty of this magical thing, there are still areas of darkness.

There are dark lines, cracks running through.

There are parts held together by the slimmest of things, by a thread in some places. So fragile, and yet so strong.

A harsh word at the right place and time could shatter or make her stronger. A touch could do the same.

Such is her sanity until she is truly one with her selves.


	28. 28 Same Old Song and Dance

**28. Same old song and dance (100)**

Why does she do it? She knows I cannot be with her, I've told her often enough. Somehow she sees through the lie I tell, that I do not love her anymore.

Yet she still returns. She keeps trying. And we go through the same emotions over and over again until I want to give in.

It hurts her to keep trying. I can not stay away though, I still need to know that she is safe. And every time I save her I see the hope in her eyes.

And we start the same old song and dance again.


	29. 29 Buried Treasure

**29. Buried treasure (100)**

My love said the strangest thing today. It was not strange in itself, but it brought back a memory long forgotten, of my childhood. And I realise that through the years, many people have said the same thing in different ways.

I remember my mother saying it.

I remember a little blonde haired girl in the hospital saying it.

I remember a woman at the orphanage saying it.

For some reason I remember Motoki saying it as well.

"A true smile from you is like buried treasure. Once it is gone a person will do anything to find it again."


	30. 30 Business Card

**30. Business card (100)**

Isn't it funny how revealing a business card can be?

The girls must have had a school project to design a business card, as there was a small pile of the things left on the arcade table after they had gone this afternoon.

One decorated with snowflakes, text mathematically placed.

Little hearts in a chain adorn the elegantly scripted name on the second.

For some reason, cakes and trees float across the jagged script on the third.

The fourth practically glows with the warmth of firelight.

The fifth – the one currently resting next to my heart – is moonlight and roses.


	31. 31 Weapon

**31. Weapon (100)**

I wonder if she knows what that smile does to a man? How it can make him see only her in a crowd. How it can force him to do things and say things he really doesn't want to. How it can make him weak at the knees.

Does she do it deliberately? I think not, though often it is hard to tell. Sometimes there is a sparkle in her eye when she looks at someone with that smile. Like she knows what the reaction will be and is pleased.

I think she doesn't know – and I'm not telling her.


	32. 32 Rain At Midnight

**32. Rain at midnight (100)**

Why on earth does she have this urge to go walking in the rain? At midnight even!

How is a King supposed to sleep when he knows she's gone from his side, when he worries that she will catch a chill yet still watches from the warmth and dryness of the bedroom as she dances among the flowers.

She looks so beautiful – and also so pathetic when she finally comes inside, dripping wet, hair matted to her head, yet flushed with joy and a look in her eye that lets me know we will not be sleeping again just yet.


	33. 33 Gift

**33. Gift (100) **

**Sequel to Closet and Blue Curtain**

Motoki dragged me to this seedy little bar downtown for my birthday – he seems to think it will cheer me up.

So I'm sitting at a table, staring at a blue curtain as the music starts.

A long, pale leg slides around the edge of the curtain. I yawn – Motoki knows I don't like strippers.

She slips through the curtain, stopping halfway to slide her body up it's length. Her face is in shadow. The lights dim, so that when she does fully emerge I still can't see her face.

Motoki leans over and whispers, "Hope you enjoy your gift."


	34. 34 Ball of Yarn

**34. Ball of yarn (100)**

My life is so confused, tangled, as if some cat has been playing with a ball of wool. Try though I may, I cannot get everything straightened out again.

Fighting evil by moonlight – well, mostly watching evil being fought against, but that is my role, frustrating as it is. I'm a protector who cannot protect.

Winning love by daylight – and I never even tried! I actively resisted even! But a certain blonde haired, blue eyed minx turned my life upside down without even asking.

I had everything so well ordered – but I wouldn't change my life now for the world.


	35. 35 Daily Planner

**35. Daily Planner (100)**

Sometimes, when things get too confusing, I open my planner. I read entries of things that I am supposed to do today, the lists of things I was supposed to do yesterday, the things I am supposed to do tomorrow.

I'm reminded how simple my life used to be, before the coronation. Back then, it was simple, study, work, fight evil, protect my love, comfort my daughter, keep in touch with friends, and attempt to fit in time to sleep.

Looking at my planner, even with the endless tasks, I smile.

The last entry of the day reads "Family time"


	36. 36 Champagne

**36. Champagne (100 words)**

She gracefully raised the glass to her lips, paused and giggled before taking a sip. This action was repeated several times during the half hour or so that I stood on the other side of the room, watching.

Eventually I made up my mind to ask the blonde angel for a dance and glided across the ballroom towards her.

And she did it again. She was supposed to be watching me, not giggling at nothing!

"What are you giggling at?"

"The bubbles tickle my nose."

I took the glass from her and set it down.

"Would you like to dance?"

_**Champagne Alternative**_

She giggles as she watches the small ball of energy race across the floor in pursuit of the red dot from the laser pointer.

"What's his name?"

The little girl she is speaking to opens to her like a flower to the sun.

"His name is Fizz"

"Why's that?"

"'Cause Daddy says that he's the colour of champagne and champagne is fizzy!"

The little fuzzball flops onto the ground and pants happily.

"Usako?"

"Yes?"

"We have to go, tell the kitten goodbye."

She scoops up the kitten and nuzzles his fur, before linking her arm with mine to walk away.


End file.
